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I'm READY for a career change to fashion-assasain! They need to boot that old bag and her daughter from runway commentary and hire ME!

Is there a stylist in the house?

Here's a collection of incredibly poor evening gown choices from the Miss USA pageant that aired Friday night.

This is Miss Hawaii. I suppose I should give her some credit for trying the "cultural thing." But I actually think a true grass skirt would have looked better than this concoction, which looks like it's unraveling.
Was Miss New York's gown supposed to be emblematic of subway graffiti? There's nothing really wrong with Miss Maryland's gown, except I swear I saw it in Chadwick's catalogue for "Mothers of the Bride" (i.e. a bit on the dowdy side)
This looks more like it should be Miss Berkeley circa 1972 instead of Miss New Hampshire 2007. Really. A tie dyed gown?The top half of Miss Michigan's gown looks like what they used to call a "foundation garment." Maybe she just got nervous and forgot the REAL top half of her gown. Maybe I'm not a fan of lime green. Or maybe it's that Miss Oklahoma's gown looks like an anaconda swallowing a bunny. Either way, it has an "ick" factor I can't get past.Miss South Dakota looks like a character out of a 14-year-old boy's sci-fi comic book. In fact, I think I may have seen this exact look on an old episode of Star Trek. Hmmmm.

Miss USA

I got home Friday night and nothing to do, so I clicked on the TV and the Miss USA contest was in its final throes. I hate pretty much all awards and pageant shows. But their lame answers about how they'd fix all the world's problems ("I'd be open and listen to all sides!") was like a train wreck I couldn't stop watching.

Besides, when my sister and I were little we used to like to pick the winners based on their gowns.

It's as good as anything else used to decide who should best represent all that America embodies!


I definitely thought, based on the gown, that Rachel Smith (Tenn.) should have won. It's sexy but not slutty. And red is definitely a "winner's" color. (Well, except for Tara Conner, I'll get to that in a sec)

The other four finalists, California, Nevada, Kansas and Rhode Island, just didn't have it going on in the gown department.
Meagan Yvonne Tandy of California. I know the dresses are supposed to be "sexy" but come on, this is just screaming "I'VE GOT BOOBS!!! LOOK HERE!!!" Not exactly subtle. Plus, what's with the farmer sleeves? Is she planning to milk a cow later?

Cara Renee Gorges of Kansas. Actually, this was a good gown, elegant, sexy and not too revealing. But lavender? Face it, that's a loser's color!

Helen Salas of Nevada. What can you say about this? Make it stop! My GOD!
P.S. I think this was the replacement Miss Nevada after the first one got booted when dirty pics of her surfaced. Maybe dirty Miss Nevada could have picked a better dress.




Danielle Lacourse of Rhode Island, named the first runner-up. Again, another nice gown. But mauve, or rose, or whatever this is, just doesn't say PICK ME!!! It says, "I'm just happy being a back up singer."




Oh, and Tara Conner. As if we hadn't had enough of her silly rehab antics, THIS is what she chooses to wear to the pageant?!

Ok, it's red...but this is NOT a good look for her.

First, it makes her look FAT (which she isn't), second, anyone with any meat on their shoulders should NOT go with a halter (it makes her look like one of those Olympic swimmers from the old East German bloc), and third you really need a long graceful neck for a high necked halter.

This dress looks like it's trying to choke her.